Stuart Dummit

It’s Been 18 Years.

It was on this date in 1995 that a doctor whose name I can’t remember told me that I had tested positive for HIV. My T-cell count was very low (176)  and viral load tests were just beginning to break over the horizon. I didn’t plan on living for more that a few years and I expected that a significant amount of that time I would spend immobilized and visibly marked as toxic.

Thanks to the advent of cocktail therapy and, I believe, a massive dose of self realized stubbornness, I have survived. I am healthier today than I was 18 years ago, probably even 20 or 25 years ago. Although I can thank modern medicine for life sustaining drugs I want to say that the American health insurance and health care system has made the road far more difficult than it needs to be. It doesn’t have to be this way. There are politicians and activists and a few progressive minded business people who are trying to change things, but the cluster-fuck of this situation will not make an about face until Americans shed their armor of selfishness, greed and intolerance and realize that there is nothing they need to protect themselves from. Nothing.

All that being said I am thankful that I have been blessed with some amazing friends and a supportive family. I am grateful that I have been able to reap the benefits of the technology of the times and the generosity of good people. And, hey! I’m still alive and as ornery as ever.

Stuff So Far

This, that, and the other thing.

I still haven’t heard about the job that I interviewed for. Maybe I asked for too much money, maybe they are so unorganized that no one has figured that my presence in their office and on their payroll would make things so much better. I need the work and would do it for significantly less money, but they asked me how much I wanted to make and I gave them a fair assessment. 

I have been working on new music lately, you can hear it at http://soundcloud.com/stuartdmt - First three tracks are the newest and I think there is an album in the works. I’ve also started a new art project with the Moleskin notebook and the brand new box of 24 Crayola Crayons. Fun.

Also, I’m thinking of renaming this blog. Currently, the name “StuDu” is not sitting right with me. That’s the name my family called me when I was a little boy and sometimes even now when things get cheeky. When I started this blog it seemed funny and inconsequential. Now, though, I realize that this is one of my main outlets and I would like it to represent me in a little bit more grown up light. I’ll probably shift it over to “StuartDMT” soon. That seems to work for other locations and, well, I like it better than “StuDu.”

Still single and not even dating anyone. Maybe that is for the best. I would love to have someone in my life but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards right now. Anyway, with other aspects of my life being in such disarray, I suppose it doesn’t make sense to complicate it any more.

I’ve been spending quality time at the gym. I’m seeing some gains in muscle mass, but my belly won’t shrink and at this point the winter blue jeans might not fit. I wouldn’t mind if the thighs and butt were a bit tight, but the waist really needs to be smaller!

I went to my doctor for my quarterly checkup. Blood work looks good, the tiredness and sleep issues are, according to him, normal. Normal? BS. I asked about the anti-retroviral meds that are supposed to cause mitochondrial damage - I’m taking those, btw, and he just kind of went,”Yeah.” I’m thinking he figures it’s the cost of being HIV+. Ass. I convinced him to do a resistance test to see if there were other meds I could take that wouldn’t do so much damage and would still keep my numbers good. If there were another doctor in the area, I think I’d be all over it.

In the meantime, I’ll keep making drawings, taking pictures, recording music and looking for ways of making a living. Wouldn’t mind if someone went to one of my online stores and bought some stuff. I guess it’s time to up the ante there as well.

….and, still, if the Universe sees fit to bless me with a partner to have, hold, care for and be cared for by, I’d be mighty happy and grateful. Just sayin’.

Purchase some of my music…

Purchase a T-shirt or coffee mug…

Listen to new music…

Check out everything else.

DOMA continues to destroy families - And who is doing anything to stop it?

S.F. gay married couple loses immigration battle

My friend Stuart Gaffney posted this on Google+. It saddens me and infuriates me to think that on top of having a Congress that still can’t get it’s head out of its ass, that the Administration will allow this kind of travesty to continue. If this were the only case it would be horrible enough, but you know that it isn’t. I hang my head in shame when I learn these things. Advanced society? I think not. 

(Source: is.gd)

One Day Left

Today is my last day of being 52. Tomorrow, by convention, I begin my official stint as a 53 year old. When I was younger, I sometimes would say that I felt older on my birthday, but not so much any more. From time to time a pain here or there reminds me that I’m not a spring chicken, but I certainly do my best to counteract the ravages of time.

I’ve been using the entire week leading up to June 5 to celebrate, even though there really hasn’t been a celebration and the most I expect will be carry out food and a box cake at my mom’s tomorrow afternoon, but that’s okay. I would love to have a boyfriend at some point in my life where we could celebrate in grand fashion and act like fools and do silly and sensuous stuff, but right now, I suppose, it’s not in the cards. Not that i haven’t tried, but maybe getting and having a boyfriend isn’t one of my talents.

I’ve got goals for the coming year, as I usually do, and I, for the most part always work toward them. Sometimes I think I’m not good at achieving goals either. But, as they say, the joy is in the journey. If that’s the case I’m a joyous man.

I hadn’t realized until the last few days that June 5 is also the anniversary of the identification of HIV/AIDS. Not the kind of anniversary that one would expect to celebrate, but, considering I have been POZ for quite a long time, it is difficult not to see some odd and twisted significance in the shared date. I choose not to hide my status, but I don’t go around wearing red ribbons and moaning and groaning about this pain, that ache and what ever infection. I do, however, make a big deal about the cost of treatment. At present I am unemployed and count on the State to help with my medication costs, but for 12 years I worked as a computer analyst for a major hospital and had their best insurance plan and I still ended up spending most of my income on medical co-pays and spend downs. Every three months alone I’d have to cough up $1200 for pills. It’s pretty friggin’ hard to believe that the mark-up on AZT, which has been around since 1964, is explained away as research and development costs. Sorry. We can afford nation building but can’t afford public radio or medicine for our citizens. Just another thing I don’t get.

I sold 2 more t-shirts online last night. Now, if I can only sell about 50 to 100 of them a day for the next 10 years I’ll be set! New designs coming soon - I promise - and new products. Can you say “Customized Baby Bibs?”

So, here I am. A reasonably good looking though some what used and scuffed up single male with a good sense of humor, quite passionate and the ability to play the guitar and sing (and fairly well) at the same time. Expiration date is a little closer, but still far enough in the future that I’m a great deal.

Life is good, but sometimes it’s this living business that gets in the way of my party schedule. Now, if only I had a party schedule……